Tanqueray Me, Babe

Epitaph: Drank, smoked, fucked, fought, wrote it down, regretted naught

Hit me up on Ello, @mateotrono if you have one.

Anonymous asked: He won't throw away his stupid toys and stop playing his stupid video games instead of real hobbies like fishing.

yoshouldidumpthisahole:

You realize that fishing is just sitting around for hours drinking, right?

"Poetry will never get you laid."
Said no one ever.

Won my first poetry slam tonight. Fuck yeah

Phoenix

Violence and the thirst for status runs in my family like the melanin in my skin
When my sperm donor was 19, he shot a man on his reservation
For the simple sin of having more than him
Stole his wallet and identity and set out to get more
He never said goodbye to his family
A few degrees, many identities, and a few families later
He found his bloodlust had not been sated
Their was a constant hunger in his heart that couldn’t be satisfied
Jealous of his neighbors he burnt them and their house to the ground
He stole the identity of a Chicano rights activist and set out to get more
He never said goodbye to that family either

When my mom was just 20 her father gave me to her
Jealous of the potential she had without him he tried to take it
Burned her uterus to the ground and left me as the ashes

When I was 21, my mother told me who my father was
Told me that perhaps the reason I was longing is because I was born from loss
Until then I’d always thought my moms aversion to sex was just puritanical
I know now that it’s because she never saw it as reciprocal
Never got the chance to see it as a participatory act because it was
Just something that was done to her
Taken by a man she never really knew because he destroyed anything he saw as precious

I have his eyes now
His hair, his addiction to whiskey and we even like the same cigarettes
I’m pretty sure that when my mom sees me burning a hole in my throat it reminds her of how her father tried to set her world on fire
My name means gift from God
I’m certain this was my mothers way of trying to reclaim me from what was done to her
But I don’t know if when she looks at me she sees the devil
My name could mean tragedy and most times I see myself as born burnt
I wonder if the violence in my conception is washed away by the love it took for her to keep me
My mother prays for me daily
I don’t believe in her God any longer but I hope he hears her
If so I hope she knows that though I bear my fathers face
I’ll always be her son
I hope that when I look into the mirror I can learn to forgive myself of being here
That though I can never say goodbye to my family I am not my father
I can burn his memory to the ground and rise like a Phoenix from the ashes
And my name will be a gift to myself

elgato-grande:

Aubrey Plaza

owwww my heart

(Source: baddroid, via bands-and-ballgowns)

Cantaloupe

When I was young, my uncle and I played a game
We’d take rotting fruit, usually a cantaloupe and drop it from my balcony
The fruit would splatter on the ground and the sound was brilliant
Youthful exuberance made the wanton destruction of innocent fruit as joyous to me as the greatest of symphonies
There wasn’t much thought put into this, just the sensation that when you threw something out the window it wouldn’t come back
When I was 14, I waved to a friend and his son as a Lincoln Towncar rolled by and the windows came down
When the car passed there were two heads lying split upon the pavement and all I could think about was cantaloupe
As if where there was once two people there were now empty shells, seeds of potential spilling out of their heads with their lifeblood dwindling
However a rain of bullets from a shotgun does not water lives, rather like a careless sickle it prunes branches without discerning between the good fruit and the bad.
I wasn’t prepared for this, and I’m ashamed to that I did nothing
I watched with youthful exuberance hoping that it could be taken back
But the stench of metal burning flesh, as if copper was being melted into your skin never quite leaves
It clings to you like cantaloupe seeds struggling to find purchase on the pavement and it doesn’t belong
Since then, I’ve always gotten sick when I eat a cantaloupe
When I was 19, I was a son and I watched my father get shot,
But this time I didn’t stay rooted
The smell of copper and burning seared my nostrils as I pressed a towel to his chest and prayed his lifeblood would not spill out
I thought of messy melons and what my mom would thing about the mess and why did I use the nice towels and as a scared kid could only come up with the most inappropriate of thoughts
The cops and paramedics said that I saved his life, told me that I’d kept him intact
When they called me a hero all I could think of were the times I’d wished he had died
How the thoughts I’d thrown at him must have somehow sprouted into the violence that split him open
How his stomach now looks like the gnarled outside of a melon and he’ll never get his body back
Even now as trauma has caused his memories to recede as if bullets to his chest somehow reached his mind I know he won’t remember cantaloupe
Or his brother who taught me to throw away things without ever asking for them back once they’ve gone bad
But I know it can get better, I have to believe that I can forgive myself this because my only other option is to leave a bullet wound in my heart
To die from internal bleeding as if feeling responsible for the deaths we can’t control the lives we cant save, the ones we can is like getting something back from the things we threw away
I’m not Buddha but maybe karma doesn’t need to work this way
See even if I remember cantaloupe, if I remember guilt, if I remember blood on the carpet I know that I don’t have to keep the mess. You can get rid of rotting fruit
You can clean a sidewalk, you can heal a chest wound. You can heal. Maybe you can even still like cantaloupe.

wantering-blog:

Cool Kicks
Sneakers for Fashion and Fitness
With sporty chic collections dominating the spring runways and athletic trends cropping up everywhere (normcore, anyone?), comfy casual dressing has taken on a whole new meaning. The explosion of relaxed style has a ton of benefits (like giving our just-rolled-out-of-bed look serious street cred), but what we’re most excited about is the fashion world’s acceptance of sneakers. From Karl Lagerfeld’s pimped-up versions on the Chanel Couture runway to Phoebe Philo’s ever-present Stan Smiths, sneakers have never been more on-trend.
Equally cool paired with jeans and a tee or your daily workout gear, trainers are endlessly versatile. With so many classic, minimal and funky kicks available right now, shopping for athletic shoes just became a lot more fun. Shop our 10 must-have sneakers below, and let us know which kicks you’ll be rocking.
1) Superga Cotu Classic Sneaker

2) Nike Free 4.0 Flyknit Women’s Running Shoes

3) Nike Internationalist Sneaker

4) Nike Mid Vintage Liberty Sneaker

5) Nike Roshe Run Print Sneaker

6) Superga for The Row Hi-Top Faille Lace-Up Sneaker

7) Valentino Rockstud Camo-Lace Sneaker

8) Stuart Weitzman Move In Strappy Elastic Sneaker

9) 3.1 Phillip Lim Trance Mixed Leather Sneaker

10) Keds x Kate Spade Polka Dot Kick Sneaker

wantering-blog:

Cool Kicks

Sneakers for Fashion and Fitness

With sporty chic collections dominating the spring runways and athletic trends cropping up everywhere (normcore, anyone?), comfy casual dressing has taken on a whole new meaning. The explosion of relaxed style has a ton of benefits (like giving our just-rolled-out-of-bed look serious street cred), but what we’re most excited about is the fashion world’s acceptance of sneakers. From Karl Lagerfeld’s pimped-up versions on the Chanel Couture runway to Phoebe Philo’s ever-present Stan Smiths, sneakers have never been more on-trend.

Equally cool paired with jeans and a tee or your daily workout gear, trainers are endlessly versatile. With so many classic, minimal and funky kicks available right now, shopping for athletic shoes just became a lot more fun. Shop our 10 must-have sneakers below, and let us know which kicks you’ll be rocking.

1) Superga Cotu Classic Sneaker

Superga Cotu Classic Sneaker

2) Nike Free 4.0 Flyknit Women’s Running Shoes

Nike Free 4.0 Flyknit Women’s Running Shoes

3) Nike Internationalist Sneaker

Nike Internationalist Sneaker

4) Nike Mid Vintage Liberty Sneaker

Nike Mid Vintage Liberty Sneaker

5) Nike Roshe Run Print Sneaker

Nike Roshe Run Print Sneaker

6) Superga for The Row Hi-Top Faille Lace-Up Sneaker

Superga for The Row Hi-Top Faille Lace-Up Sneaker

7) Valentino Rockstud Camo-Lace Sneaker

Valentino Rockstud Camo-Lace Sneaker

8) Stuart Weitzman Move In Strappy Elastic Sneaker

Stuart Weitzman Move In Strappy Elastic Sneaker

9) 3.1 Phillip Lim Trance Mixed Leather Sneaker

3.1 Phillip Lim Trance Mixed Leather Sneaker

10) Keds x Kate Spade Polka Dot Kick Sneaker

Keds x Kate Spade Polka Dot Kick Sneaker

Wantering Tumblr

(via wantering-menswear)